Does it feel like people are making your wedding a vacation?
October 13, 2009
I live in Central PA, and most of mine & fiance’s family are about 3hr drive away. The wedding is 10/31/09.
We regularly invite relatives to come out & stay with us during the spring & summer to sightsee in our area – within an hour or less are Lancaster, Hershey, Gettysburg and more. So far only a few of my relatives have come out here.
Our wedding will be where I am and I feel like their travel agent more than like a bride planning a wedding…
I’ve got relatives asking me if the hotel I blocked rooms at has a pool – it does, but it is outdoors so will be closed at the time of the wedding.
I’ve got others asking about how they can make it to Hersheypark before the wedding – the park is open for their "in the dark" times of about 4pm to 9pm Friday and 2pm to 9pm on Saturday & Sunday – - which are in total conflict with the rehearsal (4pm Friday), rehearsal dinner, and wedding (3pm Saturday).
I’m just wondering if others have the same feeling … does it seem like your family cares more about the tourist attractions near you or do they care more about the wedding?
It is also frustrating because we are always offering people to come stay with us to do these things when it is mutually convenient.
Having to play tour guide on top of prep for my wedding is not something I had planned to do or have alot of time to do for them and I sometimes feel a bit rude saying things like "yes, hershey is open these hours, but hubby is a groomsman and your daughter is my flowergirl and the times are a direct conflict with the rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, and the wedding".
Anyone else in the same boat?
As for the expenses they are incurring – we’ve got blocked rooms for $40 to $90 per night. Anyone that is in town on Friday is invited to the rehearsal dinner so they won’t have an extra cost for that meal. The wedding is Saturday and includes a full dinner plus open bar so they won’t have meal expenses that day.
The hotels I blocked at all offer free continental breakfasts so they will be out the cost of hotel and lunches only.
For the wedding party, we do need them here for 2 nights, but a guest could arrive Saturday morning, stay only 1 night, and go home Sunday for as little as $40 + tax for their room plus the cost of gas.
I put an insert in the save-the-date and the invite with all the hotel info/amenities (including one that I didn’t block at that does have an indoor pool).
I also have the link to the wedding website on everything for the wedding plus the signature line of my e-mail and the wedding website repeats all the hotel info AND includes a ‘Local attractions’ page.
Its like they don’t read it!
And let me state – - these people live a 3 hour drive away (not plane ride). They are one state away. My fiance & I go to events near them all the time – - sometimes driving there & back the same day, sometimes just staying over 1 night.
They’re not trying to slight you. It’s wonderful you invite them to visit but for some reason we don’t go visit family just to visit. Since they will be there for your wedding – which is (i am certain) the reason they’re going to your area, they want to cram in as much as possible.
Remember, to you it is YOUR WEDDING (capital letters, hearts and flowers) and to them it’s a wedding (as in something they are attending) so the emotional investment on your part is about a thousand times theirs.
As far as asking you about park hours, etc it really isn’t fair… I’m sure Hershey Park has a website… when they ask, simply tell them that Friday and Saturday conflict with your wedding and Sunday they open at 2…
Since i am in the process of building a wedding business (so in a few years once I’m done school i want to open a wedding chapel wherever I settle), it’s good to have input like this just to help me coach my brides on unintentional family insults….
Really, I’m sure your wedding is the high point of their trip but they want to do some "family" activities, too… don’t take it personally but do tell them what conflicts with your schedule. Enjoy your day!!! Congratulations.
7 Responses to “Does it feel like people are making your wedding a vacation?”
I would probably be pretty annoyed but then again, your guests are spending their hard earned money to come to your wedding. Honestly, if I had to spend a few hundred dollars to go to a relatives wedding, I would want to get the most out of my time. If that means hitting up a tourist attraction then so be it. You need to supply your wedding party with a wedding timeline. Provide them with dates, times, addresses, what they need to bring to each, how long it will last, etc. Your wedding is soon so you should do this asap. Even just send them all an email and request a reply to make sure everyone has read it. If anyone makes plans that do compromise your wedding events, then you definitely have something to bitch about.
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By Marie157 on Oct 13, 2009
I’d tell your guests that you don’t know when the park is open, but that you are planning your wedding and you are pretty sure that the parks hours are in direct conflict with what you have planned, then I’d leave it at that. If they ask further questions, just tell them you have no idea because you aren’t a travel agent!
That would get very annoying and I don’t understand either why people are just now picking your wedding weekend to want to go to Hershey or other places in the area to sight see. Our son’s wedding was a three hour drive away and the only thing that was a big deal for that area was the golf and they did make sure to have time set aside for any guy that wanted could play golf, so that took care of that problem.
Really, just tell people that you aren’t a travel agent and don’t respond to their questions and if they have a question about the hotel, provide the number to the hotel and tell them to call the hotel directly.
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By MML on Oct 14, 2009
They’re not trying to slight you. It’s wonderful you invite them to visit but for some reason we don’t go visit family just to visit. Since they will be there for your wedding – which is (i am certain) the reason they’re going to your area, they want to cram in as much as possible.
Remember, to you it is YOUR WEDDING (capital letters, hearts and flowers) and to them it’s a wedding (as in something they are attending) so the emotional investment on your part is about a thousand times theirs.
As far as asking you about park hours, etc it really isn’t fair… I’m sure Hershey Park has a website… when they ask, simply tell them that Friday and Saturday conflict with your wedding and Sunday they open at 2…
Since i am in the process of building a wedding business (so in a few years once I’m done school i want to open a wedding chapel wherever I settle), it’s good to have input like this just to help me coach my brides on unintentional family insults….
Really, I’m sure your wedding is the high point of their trip but they want to do some "family" activities, too… don’t take it personally but do tell them what conflicts with your schedule. Enjoy your day!!! Congratulations.
References :
By Off and Running on Oct 14, 2009
People want to find things to occupy themselves. That’s only natural, although I can see how it could be annoying to field all of their questions. If you want to make it easy for yourself, print out a list of local attractions with relevant tour times, phone numbers, and web addresses. Print out that list and email or send it to all of your guests. Also give a clear printout of wedding related events that they are invited to/expected to be at. That way there won’t be any cross-conflict with your events vs. local attractions.
To answer your question – yes, I’m in the same boat, but I’m having a destination wedding. I WANT people to treat it like a vacation and have a great time. I also want them to take advantage of all the local attractions during their stay so that I don’t have to schedule a bunch of extra events for entertainment. I did exactly what I wrote above – I provided a list of local attractions, eco-tours, snorkeling outings, etc., along with periodic email updates with new flight, hotel, and rental car rates and details. I also update this information on our wedding website once weekly. This allows me to control my time and send out information in bulk, rather than fielding each and every individual’s questions during times I would rather being doing other things.
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By kittenkatt79 on Oct 14, 2009
Try having a wedding in FL when you live near Orlando.
My suggestion is to create a wedding website. Include links to favorite tour spots. Let your family members and guests know about it. Most of your guests aren’t going to the rehearsal or rehearsal dinner, so maybe they want to attend Hersheypark. Maybe they will go on Sunday. Include information about the hotel and that there is NO POOL, but maybe a link to a hotel that has an indoor pool.
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By Doodlestuff on Oct 14, 2009
unfortunately when you have a wedding where relatives have to fly in, they use that as their vac cation time too. kind of like hitting to birds with one stone.
Just keep calm, it is your wedding and they will be there for that. If they decide to go to the park while they are there after the wedding that’s ok.
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on a budget events
By funny moose on Oct 14, 2009
Well, when people spend a lot of money on hotel rooms, travel expenses, clothing, etc they want to get their moneys worth.
I’ve got an attractions page on my wedding website, I’ll put the Zoo there, the closest mall, movie theatre etc.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with people doubling their trip for your wedding as a vacation. You’re not going to keep them busy 24/7, what’s wrong with wanting to swim at the hotel pool?
You just need to tell them where you need them to be and when they are going to be there.
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By I'm just sayin... on Oct 14, 2009