My boyfriend of more than one year, who I was engaged to Changed his mind a week to the wedding?
November 25, 2009
About us getting married. After our engagement ealier on in the year,he asked that we start our own family, I intially refused and told him I would rather wait until after we are legally married as I am not interested in having kids out of wedlock, to which he said of course he wouldnt want that either, and he would do the right thing when that happens. Lo and behold 3 months into my pregnancy and a week to the planned wedding he suddenly decided he was not ready, I later found out his mum and sister encouraged him not to get married. All the while we have been together they obviously didnt like me, but pretended to, so when an oppurtunity presented itself they didnt hesitate to turn on me. I gave him back his ring few days after he called it off, and things went downhill from there, with him moving out eventually at the urgings of his sister and mum, with him knowing fully well I was not equipped to support myself or the baby on my own.I have just finished school and about to start a new career in Health care at the time.
He recently showed up at the 6th month, and 34 weeks now and close to birthing my beautiful Son soon, he has been contributing towards my care and being surpportive, though not as much as I like or expect.He is a very immature 32 (am 33yrs old) year old boy (men dont abadon thier pregnant fiancees) with a good paying Job and this is his first child.
My question is would you ladies let you son bear his fathers surname instead of yours. I am planning to name my son after my granddad(I was his fav grandchild) or one of my unofficial middle name. For the guys, how would you feel if your sons mum refused to give him your surname name and choose hers instead. If he goes to court can the judge compel me to change the name to his surname?(I have already commenced plans to file for child support once my son is born) Even though he is now excited about the child and intend to actively participate in his upbringing, I would feel better if he bears my middle name or granddads name.Besides some men need a wake up call and need to know there are consequences for their actions.
We both live (apart ) in the State of New Jersey
I’m not sure what the laws are where you are but here a woman is allowed to choose the full name. Being that you are not married, I would also speak to an attorney ASAP about your parental rights and custody. You will want to have that established and visitation with your son’s father arranged before the baby is born so you are not putting yourself through that with a newborn. Trust me, you will be exhausted and won’t think straight for awhile. I’d hate for you to make a mistake that may cost you custody or visitation of your own son.
You may think it is great that he’s there now but someone who was quick to run before, IMO, no longer has a proven record to ever be consistent.
6 Responses to “My boyfriend of more than one year, who I was engaged to Changed his mind a week to the wedding?”
In Canada, if he is on the birth certificate stating he is the father, he has to sign and agree to your child’s given name.
If I were you, I would have the baby take my name or hyphenate it until you are married. Me and my fiance have been together 7 years and engaged for almost 2. Our daughter has both of our last names, we just hyphenated it.
Nobody can force you to change your baby’s name because it is your decision. However, if your sons father is going to be on the birth certificate, he has to sign, and agree.
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By ѕкує вℓυє αкα ανα'ѕ мσмму on Nov 25, 2009
Well…he decided he wasn’t ready and left you. You say now that he is back in your life he isn’t supporting you like you would like. You aren’t married, so you can name the baby whatever name you want…if the father is upset…let him be upset he is your baby, you are the one who carried him inside you, and will have to give birth, and it sounds to me like you will doing most of the supporting, so you should name him. Even if he does take you to court…which I doubt he will, the judge can’t make you change the babies name, like I said, you aren’t married.
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By Erin on Nov 25, 2009
If the guy ditched me when i was pregnant and came back a few months late. I would keep my last name for the baby. Until he actually marries you like he originally wanted he doesn’t deserve to have his last name for that baby. Plus i heard it can be hard sometimes when you and your baby have different last names.
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By Des_Angell on Nov 25, 2009
I’m not sure what the laws are where you are but here a woman is allowed to choose the full name. Being that you are not married, I would also speak to an attorney ASAP about your parental rights and custody. You will want to have that established and visitation with your son’s father arranged before the baby is born so you are not putting yourself through that with a newborn. Trust me, you will be exhausted and won’t think straight for awhile. I’d hate for you to make a mistake that may cost you custody or visitation of your own son.
You may think it is great that he’s there now but someone who was quick to run before, IMO, no longer has a proven record to ever be consistent.
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An angry wife who’s dealt with a bitch of a MIL for over 10 years.
By Reality on Nov 25, 2009
He abandoned you. He’ll abandon the kid at some point as well (with his sister and mom’s urging). Use your own surname. I would never completely trust him again if he is that malleable by family.
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By Doodlestuff on Nov 25, 2009
He doesn’t deserve to have his son named after him. I would have kept the ring because of what he did to you. Now if you called it off then you give it back but he called it off you should have kept it. Your son should have your name and your granddad’s name. Your ex is stupid to do that if he doesn’t realize what a great family he was going to have. I am glad you are filing for child support. Good luck.
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By meilani on Nov 25, 2009